Rolling

/Tuesday, September 7, 2010 / 12:30 AM

i have a feeling this is gonna be along post.

First of all,i just wanna say life have never been suckier this few months.
It really sucks so much i swear i even tot of committing suicide. But i know it is just plain stupid and unintelligent to do that.
Pain=committing suicide.
Committing suicide=cant get married,cant have kids,travel the world and so on and so on.
thats why it is Foolish and brainless for me.
and i dun want my loved ones to get depress cos of this.
And also im worried if i tried committing suicide,i wont die and i survived.Thats even worse..
Others will say committing suicide cos of heartbroken is stupid. I need a better reason to do that.
But in this world,God creates pain. and yes.it is fcuking painful.couldnt have a proper sleep and had swollen eyes . couldnt eat though i felt so weak. fcuking cried like shit every single night.though i know im doing better today,but still,,,,fcuk.
seeing love twit posts by friends already can make u feel so shitty.happy for them though.
falling out of love is so miserable.those memories could just kill you. 1.1/2 yrs isnt short.when im alone memories from the very start just taunts me.from the very beginning,way back when me and him met. but what can i do,we cant erase memories.
But sometimes, i do get so much better when friends are just there by my side,encouraging me and cheering me up. they do need a special thanks.

And besides,i have some shitty and bad luck mome
nts which again,i dun wanna mention.just FUCK my effing life for that.To yaya and eka,thanks for riding the crazy roller coaster ride with me on that night..Hahahaha.Ok,its not funny.period.

Times like this is when im in desperate need of happiness.sometimes when i think i feel sadness for too long,i dont even know where to begin to find happiness again. and when i tot im feeling happy,things go the other way round again. And i get fed up with everything.i started to blame anything/anyone else for not making the situation better. till to the point i just cant be bothered anymore,and dats when i feel happier.When i just dont bother......BUT it always end short and the whole emotional cycle comes around again. Most of the time,the heart just aches and it still does...
especially when things just go wrong..
was just caught up in the moment of frustrations and things get bad...
im still sorry dear friend.haiz.
my life will be so much better just to know tt u still care.

I dunnoe how long this will take.i seriously have no idea.it just takes time,and i need to get use to it..and at the end of the day,i will know the answers to all this..